I believe I am about to go on a bit of a rant, so apologies in advance for that.
I just want to say I’m getting really tired of people talking of those who have gotten put into the “friendzone” as victims, and those who “have put them into the friendzone” as a heartless villain or whatever.
I can’t say how tired I am of hearing such phrases as “But he/she is so nice! Why would you do that to them? Can’t you just like them? Why don’t you just go out on one date?”
The thing is, no one is entitled to have their feelings returned. You cannot change someone’s feelings. You cannot force them to return affection. Love, affection, is a gift to be given. It cannot be forced. Sure, it stinks not to have your feelings returned, but to talk as if someone can just force themselves to feel a certain way about you is belittling their emotions, and they are deserve the right to feel certain emotions, just as you have the right to feel certain other emotions.
It is a perfectly good and wonderful thing to feel affection towards someone.
But it is also allowable to NOT feel that way.
I know that when I was in a situation like this I felt terrible. The last thing I wanted to do was hurt this person, and I probably spent as much time worrying about how I was hurting him as he actually did hurting. However, I did not need to hear things like “he’s such a sweet guy, don’t you think maybe…?” Or flat out “Give him a chance. You’re just being mean.” Because I wasn’t being mean. I was being as nice as I possibly could, but I was also being honest.
My emotions in this case were just as valid, and to treat them as anything else is belittling and hurtful. So stop it. Stop doing this to people. I don’t care how nice the guy/girl is, I understand they deserve to be cared for, but they are not a victim of some mind trap that the other person is playing on them. Both of your emotions are valid and matter.